A colonoscopy versus a spa day
I write this the day after I had a routine colonoscopy for my Crohns Disease at Colchester Hospital. In the build up, I'd almost been looking forward to a few hours away from it all; you know, (warm) cup of tea in hand with a pile of magazines to flick through (with no interruptions!).
Here's why it really wasn't the serene spa morning I imagined.
I didn't eat for almost 24 hours
Yes, really. Anyone that knows me will know that is a serious task for me. A challenge like nothing else. But I did it and I'm proud of myself.
Anyone that's been on a spa day with me will know that there's normally a good slice of cake as part of the deal. There's your first fail colonoscopy.
You're prodded and poked about
I love being kneaded, rubbed and prodded when face-down on a massage bed with a hint of lavender about the place. But having needles stuck in my hand, blood pressure monitors strapped to you, and oxygen stuck up your nose, just doesn't do it for me. All with a hint of 'eau d'hospital' around you. I can't put my finger on it, but it's that smell that makes you feel a little on edge and your heart beat a little faster.
Gas & Air versus a Glass of Bubbles
Give me a glass of bubbles any day. That said, gas and air really does take you somewhere else for a bit. I imagined I was lounging in the sun (cocktail in hand) on a beautiful beach in Mauritius. It was pretty amazing for a few minutes until I remembered I was in a hospital bed in the not so glorious Colchester.
No girlie gossip session
A catch up in the hot tub, yes please. You know that mindless dribble you don't often get a chance to do. Bitch about your husband, chat nonsense about Z-list celebs or reminisce about those tales from 20 years ago... The nurses didn't have the inclination or time to chat 'Love Island' with me yesterday.
I guess here's the best bit. It was a whole lot cheaper than my usual spa days. Thank you NHS.
Anyway, it was necessary and you have to take the positives from it all. Being healthy is the best gift we can all hope for. Keep smiling and if there's gas and air on offer, take it!